There is a common misconception that people with autism do not marry, and the reason for it is their socialization difficulties. But it is not true: many people with autism have spouses and children. For some, marriage and family life turn out to be successful, while others have considerable difficulties. Dating someone with autism spectrum can be very difficult due to the elusive nature of the disorder. Today, we are going to tell about dating an autistic woman.
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Autism and dating: can you make it work?
Clinical studies have shown that most people with autism are interested in romantic relationships. But they have significant difficulties in developing relationships with peers and understanding what the other person may think or feel. Ordinary children comprehend it naturally and practice their skills in developing relationships with family members and friends long before they apply these abilities for creating strong romantic relationships.
Autism dating and socialization can work out very hard. People with autism spectrum disorders have difficulties in understanding and expressing emotions, and the most complicated emotion for such people is love. Ordinary children and adults often show their affection with pleasure, know how to express it in order to exchange mutual feelings of love, and how to support someone with an expression of affection. A child or adult with autism may not need the same depth and frequency of expressions of love through actions or may not be aware that in a given situation, they are required to demonstrate their attachment that would bring pleasure to another person. They may be even annoyed by how much other people are fixated on expressing love for each other.
Some autists may be obviously immature in their expressions of affection and sometimes perceive them as negative experiences. For example, a hug may seem unpleasant and restrictive. Such people may become embarrassed or overwhelmed with emotions when they are expected to express and accept fairly moderate ostents of love.
In relationships, there is a transition from acquaintance to partnership. Autistic people may have difficulties in coping with each step of this transition. To move from being friends to lovers, a person with autism needs to understand the art of flirting in order to understand the signals of mutual liking accurately and not get lost during a date. Autistic people don't know this on an intuitive level. They often ask: “How can I find a boyfriend/ girlfriend?” It is not easy to answer this question. One of the difficulties may be the interpretation of someone's intentions. A simple expression of kindness or sympathy can be perceived much more seriously. Often, one needs to explain to a person with autism that a smile and attention from the opposite sex are sometimes just signs of politeness, not a desire to start a relationship.
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Despite problems in relationships, most people with autism can develop them, make romantic and intimate connections, and even get married and give birth to children. So, dating with autism is completely possible.
Dating someone with high functioning autism
The term high functioning autism is used in relation to people who have explicit symptoms of autism, but at the same time, their speech skills and level of intelligence are well developed. It is opposite to dating someone with mild autism. When looking at people with high functioning autism, many usually notice only their advantages.
Especially, after it was hypothesized that Bill Gates, Vincent Van Gogh, Albert Einstein, and Isaac Newton are among them. In fact, not everything in the garden is rosy. People with high functioning autism are much harder to cope with life than others. Despite their apparent adaptation to the environment, they are just as hard to interact with the world as other autists. They have a similar reaction to touchy situations, and it often surprises those around them who think that they are dealing with ordinary people. Reactions of surprise and bewilderment from colleagues, relatives, and friends can additionally traumatize a person with high functioning autism. It leads to depression. Therefore, they suffer from difficulties at work and in building romantic relationships.
High functioning autism is a masculine deviation according to gender stereotypes, but it is not. Autistic disorders are also found in Ukrainian women, but their diagnosis is difficult because, in social situations, representatives of the fair sex hide mistakes using observation and imitation. In other words, experiencing a pathological fear of abnormal social behavior, they are able to pretend to be normal by copying the behavior of other people.
Signs of a woman with high functioning autism:
• An autistic woman prefers comfortable clothes to fashionable and beautiful - practicality first.
• She does not spend time on an intricate hairstyle, limits it to simple combing, and often, she does not need make-up.
• She may look eccentric without realizing it.
• Her voice, behavioral skills, and appearance are more childish and do not correspond to real age.
• Non-verbal functions are much more expressive than in men with autism.
• She is lost in the awareness of her own self, taking others as a model and reproducing their behavior.
• The favorite activity - escaping from reality into the imaginary world, which includes immersion in watching movies, reading books, and computer games.
• She creates rules and follows them steadily: discipline, repeating order of activities, and systematic habits.
• Her comfort zone is home or any place that can be controlled.
Autism dating tips
- Be patient and speak out
People with autism spectrum disorders often have difficulties in reading other people's emotions, understanding body language and subtle hints. Therefore, try to speak directly and clearly, do not create complex verbal constructions that draw the interlocutor away from the main topic of conversation.
You should not expect that a person with autism will unambiguously perceive your winks and mysterious looks, it’s better to say everything as clear as possible. Be patient if an autistic person starts asking questions to clarify some things that seem obvious to you. Autistic people act so not to torture you, but because it is easier for them to understand you and to be on the same wavelength as you.
- Do not be angry if you are misunderstood
It happens when dating an autistic person. There is nothing terrible in it, so you should not react aggressively to the misunderstanding on the part of a person with autism. If you see that your thought was incorrectly interpreted, try to state it once more, but more simply. Of course, you should do it calmly, without irritation. There is no need to make a person feel stupid simply because you could not communicate easily with them.
- Be ready for honesty
For people with autism spectrum disorders, honest and open communication is preferable. This means that in response you will receive fairly straightforward answers and questions that sometimes may seem too frank to you.
But the point is not that an autistic person wants to hurt or embarrass you. Autistic people are not inclined to "sweeten" their speech, because they simply do not perceive it as a necessity. In addition, this is an additional complexity - it is not easy for them to express their thoughts. So, don't be angry if such a person honestly tells you that your hairstyle today is not very good looking.
- Do not look for the subtext where it is not.
Autistic people honestly say what they think, without implying any complex communication structures, as many other people do.
- Do not wait for eye contact
Many people with autism avoid looking people in the eyes even when their interlocutor is a close person. It does not mean that this person does not listen to you when communicating. Eye contact is a very energy-intensive process for people with autism. For some, it is simply unpleasant to look into the eyes, others perceive it as an intrusion into privacy, some lose their ability to concentrate, and some even experience physical discomfort during eye contact. So, by avoiding eye contact, autistic people can fully concentrate on verbal communication. Treat with understanding the fact that people with ASD look at your clothes or external objects instead of looking in the eyes. This way, it is easier for them to communicate and listen to you carefully.
- Do not touch people with autism without warning
An unexpected tactile contact can be unpleasant and even shocking for a person with ASD. So there is no need to rush to hug an autistic person you see for the first time, to show them how well you treat them. A simple friendly smile will be sufficient. Support and love can be expressed in many different ways and it is not necessary to come into physical contact with a person.
- Try not to raise your voice
Too loud sounds or shouts can scare an autistic person and make them shrink into themselves from the outside world, which causes discomfort. Of course, it does not mean that you need to be as still as a mouse when dating someone autistic. Just do not be a savage who has just left the cave and discovered an amazing new world. Try to spend time in a calm and cozy atmosphere, where everyone can feel safe without being exposed to unwanted external influences.
- Do not try to be condescending
Autistic people do not seek leniency, they want a normal attitude and ordinary human communication. So, do not be surprised if a person with autism responds to your indulgent tone with an insult. Remember that autistic people are the same as others, so there is no need to behave with them as with children. Treat them as equals. Respect and be honest with them, instead of concentrating on their supposed inferiority.
- Be patient with autostimulational behavior
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People with ASD often show a tendency to repeat some actions directed either at themselves or at the surrounding objects. Basically, these actions indicate that a person is trying to concentrate on something, thus deep thought processes take place in their brain. In addition, autostimulation helps autists to cope with stress and emotional tension. So, if your girlfriend constantly pesters her favorite toy, mumbles something, or stamps her foot for no apparent reason, do not think that something is wrong with her. Try not to pay attention to it and treat these habits with understanding.
Also, autostimulation may be a sign that speaks of an emotional explosion, which sometimes happens with autistic people due to overstress. So, look after your autistic loved one. Your attentiveness and support can make her life much easier.
Autism dating website
Nowadays, society is trying to provide assistance to people who need it. The Internet is no exception. There are many dating sites for lonely and shy people suffering from various phobias or psychological problems. Such autism dating sites are created so that people experiencing difficulties in communication could get to know each other. After all, for them, it is much easier to do it on the Internet than in reality. These sites can help people with autism to make friends, to find their own circle of contacts, and even true love. So, we offer 5 best autism dating services.
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