In the last 3 years, a new word "phubbing" has appeared in all the languages of the world. It means a social phenomenon, when a person prefers to communicate on a smartphone instead of in person, even being in the company. For example, a minute ago, you started telling a fascinating story about your adventures on the weekend, but your friend suddenly took a mobile phone and just stuck in it. This does not mean that the story was boring or that a friend didn’t want to communicate at all.
Phubbing is a kind of social "drug" that is akin to a nervous tic. People check the notifications and updates in social networks with the help of a smartphone every minute, although they firmly know that there is unlikely to be anything important. In the relationship, the phubbing is easy to notice. Instead of talking with a partner, a person turns to virtual reality. Several years ago, this was considered bad manners and almost an insult, but now, such "fall-out" is overlooked, after all, a huge number of people does that, and this has ceased to be considered indecent.
Social media destroys relationships: myth or reality?
Millennials, grown up in the world of dating apps, instant messengers, and unlimited social connections, approach romantic relationships differently than other generations. Although understanding between the sexes was not ideal at all times, and those who were born in the late 20th century have their unique challenges. Most of them are related to the development of technologies, which influences the interaction between people. More and more people reflect on whether social media ruins relationships or this is just another myth. Let’s look deeper into the issue.
According to various sources, every seventh (or fourth) modern couple is formed thanks to social networks and the Internet. Nevertheless, the statistics of divorces due to inaccurate use of networks is depressing. What to do? Experts, as usual, disagree on this issue. Some argue that a happy family life can only be private, and a decrease in activity in social networks would lead to a decrease in a number of divorces. Others are sure that the Internet demonstrates the true state of affairs in the relationships.
The popular myth that social media effects on relationships between people consist in alienating a person from friends and partners was dispelled by American scientists.
During the experiment, two studies were carried out. First, scientists analyzed data on the behavior of young people in 2010 and 2012 and found out that the development of social networks at this time did not affect the amount of time that young people spent on their relationships and live communication.
During the second experiment, which was held in 2016, 118 people were selected, half of whom were people in their 30s, and the other half were young people who just graduated from high school. A survey was conducted among all these people. The main question was, “Did social media destroy any of your relationships?” It turned out that correspondence in social networks had no effect on people's contacts, their communication with friends and family. Besides, none of the couples broke up just because of social media. You can say that social media affects your relationship and even destroys it, but it will not happen if you don’t allow. Your behavior is the primary cause of your problems in the relationships.
Positive effects of social media on relationships
Everyone reflects on how social media destroys relationships and how you can give it up. However, frankly speaking, only a few people can really stop using it. Nowadays, the Internet is on equal footing with telephony and electricity. So, you will hardly start sending information by carrier pigeons or using candles instead of a light bulb. So, despite all the below-mentioned items of poor interconnection between social media and relationships, there are still positive moments, which cannot be overlooked.
It helps communicate when you don’t have time to meet in person. In this hectic century, sometimes, there is no time to meet friends, so the opportunity to communicate via the Internet resources such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. is often perceived as a blessing because social media allows people not to interrupt communication with partners, relatives, friends, business partners despite the excessive workload.
It helps meet new people. Social media, as well as dating sites, provide an opportunity to make new acquaintances and communicate with people who may be in another city or even on another continent. Every year, people around the world meet new people, fall in love and get married thanks to the endless opportunities of the Internet, so social media and romantic relationships have much more in common than you think.
It helps maintain a family life. Social media has begun to play a huge role in the lives of those people who are in long-distance relationships. Scientists have found that using Facebook, Twitter, and other social networks helps lovebirds keep romantic relationships alive for a long time. Thanks to modern technology development, people in love can communicate with each other through social networks from anywhere in the world. Couples maintain their relationship through constant correspondence. Also, social media allows you to regularly exchange photos, videos, music. In this case, you create the atmosphere of the presence of a loved one, and this allows you to save the relationship.
It helps find interesting events. When you reflect on how social media affects relationships, think about how many goodies personally you get, using social networks. If you want to see only drawbacks, you will see them, but if you are looking for some positive moments, then they will be forthcoming. Facebook and other social networks provide people with an excellent opportunity to find an interesting event in the home town and meet there with friends. Scrolling up the news feed, you can see what your friends and acquaintances are interested in and where they are going to go. So, if you are secretly in love with someone, you can set up a meeting as if by chance and work up the courage to take the first step.
It helps find common themes for conversations. An amusing picture, a funny meme, a video or an article is shared on social networks at the speed of light, gathering “likes” around the world. When you find something interesting and share it with your beloved, you automatically get a topic for discussion. You create your own jokes, which bring you even closer together. The main thing is to be selective when you choose another pic to share with a partner.
Negative effects of social media on relationships
Some people think that social media is the biggest evil in the modern world, and earlier, people were happier and freer. Communication on social networks creates a separation from reality. Virtual communication is always easy and funny, and it may seem that it is much better than your offline life. People believe that there is an effect of "pink glasses." Online communication and flirtation are especially dangerous for romantic people, as they completely immerse in this virtual world and fall in love with beautiful words. However, is it the only problem people face, using social media? How does social media affect relationships in other ways?
It provokes distracted attention. As soon as one of the partners becomes an overly active user of the social network, they gradually begin to substitute real with virtual communication. At first, it's easier not to show the picture, but to send it in a messenger. Then, people replace the real kiss with an emoji. In a while, it turns out that it is difficult for a person to recognize true emotions because emoji is not used in real life. Romantic relationships and joint pastime begin to seem boring and insipid in comparison with the information flow on the Internet.
It provokes additional jealousy. How social media affects relationships negatively? Some Ukrainian girls believe that likes or compliments in the comments under other pretty girls’ photos are micro cheating. You can talk as much as you like that offline and online lives have little in common, but any site can become social media affecting relationships. Nowadays, it is just another platform for the assessment of the relationship. Psychologists recommend not making far-reaching conclusions on the online behavior of a partner, but the Internet, one way or another, gives new reasons for the conflict, especially if you are quite an insecure person.
It makes people share the details of their relationships. Social media blurs the line between personal and social. Some people share too private information about their partners. In the past, the relationship was also not a big secret, and it was discussed when meeting with friends, acquaintances or relatives. The problem is that nowadays, it is easier for the partner to know what you are talking about them. In addition, published photos or facts are available to an extremely big audience.
It creates difficulties in communication. Since millennials often discuss problems with the partners using instant messengers and social media, this creates additional difficulties for mutual understanding. Text and emojis cannot convey everything. In solving serious conflicts, it is important to see the interlocutor's non-verbal signs. Young people share tons of information on social networks, but they do not know how to express their needs and desires in a personal conversation with a partner. To break the unpleasant news in absentia is much easier, but the most difficult conversations should always happen face to face if you want to avoid the problem with social media ruining relationships.
How can you solve the problem?
If you notice the first signs of phubbing, then you shouldn’t delay too long. Talk to your partner and discuss the situation. If you feel discomfort, then the effect of social media should be resolutely suppressed. In fact, it is not very difficult, you need some control and concentration.
Firstly, decide what zones in the apartment will be "free" from social media. For example, it should be your bed and dining table. Secondly, establish a time for communication. Forget about gadgets, pictures on the Internet and unnecessary information motivators. This can be combined, for example, with dinner or a walk. Smartphones are declared "out of the law" at this time. Thirdly, reduce the number of notifications. Fourthly, set the "penalty" for violation of any of the previous rules. To be more interesting, do not be stingy and make it significant either in monetary terms or in some other ones. Fantasize and strive to be closer to each other, then social media will not be dangerous to the relationship.
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