What does it mean to be out of your league?

how to date someone out of your league

I think that the best way to show what exactly “being out of someone’s league” is, is to dive into the mindset of a person that thinks so. Here’s just a regular post from a forum:

“I think I am dating a girl out of my league…”

Hello, I’ve got a problem. I’ve been dating a girl for 4 months already, we love each other, I love her very much, but lately, it seems to me that I don’t deserve her, I’m not rich, I am not smart, she’s beautiful, smart, I don’t know what she found in me, I’m very jealous, too jealous in fact, she recently dumped me, but then she wanted to come back again, said she did so because she was angry, I don’t know what to do, I want her all the best in the world, but she is unlikely to get that from me, I know that for sure! She is the best thing in my life, so I can’t continue this relationship, she really deserves better. How should I leave her, well, so that she wouldn’t get very upset, how to say that I’m not the one who she needs?

So, what does out of my league mean? It’s to have rational and, most of the time, irrational fears that your current partner and the one who you would like to be dating deserves more than you can offer. Whether it’s financial well-being, bright prospects for the future, emotional satisfaction, or anything else. She is talented, a bright career awaits her and you feel like you will just hold her down, because you are nobody.

Such issues have been ruining relationships ever since the dawn of time, perhaps more, ever during the middle ages, with higher and lower classes and a gigantic pit between them that no one was able to jump over. Such a problem exists right now, although there are a lot more ways of becoming successful in life.

Is she out of my league?

First of all, let’s get this thing straight out of the way. “Dating someone out of your league” is basically to have low self-esteem. While there are obvious cases that come to mind, when you are piss poor and her family is wealthy and her dad doesn’t like you and all that. But even in such a case, what does it have to do with your relationship? The only thing that matters is that she sincerely loves you back, that’s it.

So, before we go any further, ask yourself, “why is she a girl out of my league?” And if this pain doesn’t go away, arrange a date and say that you feel like she deserves more. Don’t say that you want to end this relationship, but that this is a thing that bothers you. See her reaction, she will either calm you down or agree with you and leave. The emotional struggle is the worst part of it, so fight tooth and nail.

Her perspective on this

To get the full picture of things, as we’ve said, you have to ask for her honest opinion on the situation. I have invited my close friend, her name is Jane, to ask her about this, and it turned out that she once had the same exact problem.

A few years ago a man seemed to be in love with me. I knew from the very beginning that he had a low self-esteem, but until the relationship became intimate, it wasn’t anything special: he cared for me, tried as much as he could to help me, to support and please me. Then sex happened, after which he began to say that he was unworthy of me when I hinted at a serious relationship. I assured him that I think differently that he is not the same as he thinks of himself, and that I will be happy with him.

But he kept crying. And I didn’t understand what the problem was until he stopped answering the phone. For whatever reason, he just decided to leave me. Do not waste time on manipulators. A man in love will not be hesitant and afraid of love with a woman he truly loves; on the contrary, he will try to become better. And if there are objective problems, he will eventually solve them. As a woman, in such cases, you just lose your strength, time and your own confidence.

How to get someone who is out of your league

Fear of playing in the big leagues

Often, guys are just afraid to act quickly and confidently. Thoughts like “What if I can’t manage to start dating her?” prevent them from starting to act confidently. On dates, it turns into the fear of touching the girl and talking on intimate topics. You yourself may feel that "everything is fine” but in fact, you are showing your fear, and thus, the weaker side of yours ...out of someone's league

How to get a girl out of your league? The solution to this problem is this: to leave the zone of your own comfort, forcing yourself to advance in her seduction faster than usually and every time make a tangible step towards it. There is no doubt that there will not be a second chance. The main thing you have to do is to show your intentions. Even if she says that “it is still early,” it is important to go anyway, at least to take a small step further. This is the approach that girls like!

110% confidence

What is the way out of my league? It is the mood of a man that determines the outcome of the situation. There is the mechanism of subordination to the man in the Ukrainian woman. Therefore, the stronger your own attitude is, the greater the likelihood that she will adapt to it and allow herself to be seduced.

This explains why the uncertainty almost always leads to a bad ending. Especially this rule works with beautiful girls. The more beautiful the girl, the more damage she does to your confidence. Some of women intentionally try to create a feeling of disinterest and detachment, to test you for strength. So they weed out weak men, and only strong and confident are able to break through this armor. If you suddenly become confronted with the rejection of the girl, pretend that you do not notice her words. Just confidently continue talking on another topic, and then try again, but in a different format.

Another option: to poke fun at a girl who behaves cold. “Oh, do you always flirt with guys with such a serious expression on your face?” It’s a fitting joke. With it, you can show your confidence and ability to maintain a positive mood. The main thing is to be able to feel when coldness on the part of the girl turns into a disrespectful attitude. When you begin to communicate with a girl, she can show disrespect in any way: claims, quarrels or just a bad mood and lack of desire to continue communication with you, even despite the fact that you have been trying so hard to get her attention.

Many guys in case of disrespect continue to be next to the girl and wait until she turns anger into mercy. But it only kills all the respect women have for them. The best option is to end the conversation. And in the case of disrespectful behavior on her part - to stop it for 1-2 weeks. Your confidence in yourself and that she will definitely be yours will erase all the barriers to seduction.

How to date and hold onto someone out of your league

Try delaying a date

Try not to ask her on a date, but instead just have a pleasant to talk on the phone creating a positive mood. In your conversation, you should not even consider asking her availability in the next few days. Your task is to create uncertainty in her head. Being accustomed to the constant attempts to pull her out on a date and seduce her, she would be surprised at this approach. First, she wants to know why you haven't invited her to a meeting for so long. Secondly, she will see more value in you as a man who does not go out "with just anyone."

As an option: you can write and tell her that you want to see her, "but what a pity that now there is absolutely no time for a date." A positive and very pleasant communication for a girl, combined with your inaccessibility, will cause her to be dissonant. Sooner or later, she will reach a condition, and you will seduce her on a first date.

Of course, you should not always use this method of preparation, because a girl during this time can be seduced by someone else. But if, when meeting you, you saw indifference, and you realize that it is unlikely that you will be able to date soon, then why not experiment with a new approach?

Touch her immediately!

How to get a girl way out of your league? Do not wait for the right moment or N-th date. You should strive to touch a girl from the very beginning.

So you can immediately show your intention and from the first minutes of communication begin to create a disposing attitude to seduction. Even just holding her hand or kissing her on the cheek at the end of the date (and at the beginning of the date), you will make a huge step towards sex.how to get a girl out of your league

Some seducers practice an unusual approach: touching a girl (getting physically closer), they communicate with her indifferently or even slightly uninterested (getting physically further). The girl does not understand exactly how the guy treats her. Therefore, such intrigue sometimes helps with her seduction.

As you noticed, this method, like the first one, is rather non-standard and slightly risky. But this risk is in moving forward if nothing else works. The fact is that if you are afraid of losing something, then it escapes from your hands much more often. And using these risky methods, you will show your girlfriend your confidence and independence from her.


How to date someone out of your league? Be witty. Humor always relaxes and helps get more from a person than if she were in the usual state of mind. True, you need to be able to feel the edge when humor goes into trying to please and entertain the girl.

Correctly arrange a date

Wondering how to get a girl that's out of your league? Make sure she feels as comfortable as possible on a date. If she wore high-heeled shoes, do not wear her out on long walks in the park. The place of a date also plays a big role: it is not necessary to appoint a date in a place to which it is hard for her to get.

The same applies to inviting her to your home. Considering that coming to a guy for a visit is considered consent for sex, and the girl herself does not want you to consider her so easily available, you need to understand that you should not call her for a visit. Most likely, she will refuse it.

Your task is to provide emotional comfort. Tell her: "We will just drop by for half an hour to rest, and then I will get you a taxi." So you take off her stress and let her justify coming to visit you.

Remember: an experienced seducer is able to seduce a girl in 3 hours after they meet. While you may not be a guy like that, either not as talented, or in principle, it is a useful skill to have. Such an ability implies being cunning, witted and strong.

Bottom line

Fight your lack of confidence. Dating out of your league doesn’t exist. The main problem is your low self-esteem, not how high she is. There is no such thing like a “girl out of my league”. If she deserves more, than she would know that already, she would not be dating you. It’s not like every girl is afraid to dump a guy, it’s just that you are not as bad as you think you are. You are great, in fact. If you are confident in yourself, then no league will be out of your reach.

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