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In fact, a family quarrel is an expressive and urgent way to resolve disagreements that inevitably arise even in the most harmonious couples. But problems can also be solved in more environmentally friendly ways, with the help of constructive dialogue, working through internal grievances, and the ability to analyze the situation from the partner's point of view. We have prepared a list of tips on how to stop constant arguing in a relationship to improve your relationship.

How to stop arguing in your relationship

Fights happen in most families. What matters is how you handle (or don't handle) the conflict, and how you handle (or don't handle) the disagreement. Disputes by themselves are far from destroying the relationship and, therefore, a supportive environment for the child. People in successful marriages and good relationships sometimes disagree and quarrel. This is a fact. But even after that, they continue to respect and appreciate each other by voicing contradictions and sharing their feelings.

Now let's talk about the basic elements of disputes. Every conflict has a subject. This is what you are fighting about. Next comes your feelings about the conflict and the feelings of others. And then comes action, which is how you solve the problem.

In order to resolve the disagreement, it's important to understand how you feel about the subject of the conflict and communicate that. The next step is to find out what feelings the subject of the conflict evokes in the other person and take them into account. If you ignore emotions, both sides get hotter and hotter, exchanging blows in a game I call "verbal tennis." They throw more and more arguments back and forth across the net to hurt each other as much as possible. With this kind of behavior, the goal of the argument becomes to score more points rather than to find a workable solution. It is possible to learn about and work through the differences of opinion only by trying to understand and compromise, not by trying to win.

How to stop fighting in a long distance relationship

It is very important to be careful when communicating with your partner. Any caustic word or dismissive tone can hurt, but to approach, apologize and embrace your loved one at once you will not succeed. Also, do not provoke your partner into jealousy and cause unnecessary speculation about what is not real.

You need to compensate for the live communication: call, and correspondence. It is necessary to share news, experiences, and emotions with your partner as often as possible.

This does not mean that you have to give a minute-by-minute report on your actions every day, but you should not get off with a dry "everything is fine. The person on the other end of the line should feel like an important part of your life.

How to stop arguing so much in a relationship

Firstly, when you want to understand how to stop arguing with your girlfriend so much, you have to ask yourself questions: What do I even want to say? What am I proving? What is my opponent telling me? If truth is not born in the process, it is an indication that people are talking about something different, not conveying it in the words that sound. In an argument, it is important to notice the other and understand what is valuable to them. You need to put away your fantasies and hear what exactly the person needs. If this is not done, then people may form resentment against each other. You should also not push yourself in the hope that others will appreciate and the next time you do something nice. This can come with disappointment, because on the other side of the barricades, acquiescence is most often perceived as a voluntary act. But it makes no sense to ruthlessly repress the opponent - you could lose the person you care about.

How to stop constantly fighting in a relationship

The first thing you can try to learn of you want to develop how to stop arguing with husband or how to stop arguing with wife is to become conscious of the moment of beginning as early as possible. More than once I have heard from friends and clients that they find themselves conscious a couple of hours after an argument. When the Christmas tree along with the lights has already been thrown out of the window, or there are pots of leftover flowers on the floor. 

When you realized that "turn on", try to localize the problem. What exactly are you unhappy with right now? Look for wording. Clear, and understandable.

Moving on. Recall, even if by an effort of will, the following: you love this man? Or at least respect? Appreciate? Remember that emotional and sensual thing that basically keeps you together. That's the foundation of your relationship. And it's important to remember that at all times. During any quarrels. If you say to your partner before you make a complaint, "I remember that I love you. And I'm going to live the rest of my life with you. That's why it's important for me to wake up every morning and not be annoyed by dirty dishes. It's important for me to find a solution to make our lives more comfortable.  And then the text of your main message. This approach (provided it is sincere, of course) will allow you, and even more so the person you are talking to, to slow down a bit. There will be a chance to get out of a defensive position and start listening to each other. Your subsequent words will no longer be so offensive or destructive.

But this, of course, is not enough. Listen to exactly how you speak. Not what, but how. Not the content, but the form.  It is important to say less "you" and more "I." It's important to talk about the consequences of her (his) actions that you are experiencing. Are you annoyed? Are you uncomfortable in front of others? Are you upset? Say it, not just "YOU are late again," "YOU don't take my opinion into account," or "YOU are always criticizing me.

How to stop arguing and actually solve your relationship problems: the bottom line

Following advice on how to stop arguing with someone you love is not an easy job. As you know, the hardest work is working on yourself, and on your relationships. It is difficult, of course, to immediately begin to behave differently, because you may have for years to start a scandal, even over nothing. But (let this be another small scoop of honey) habit is formed in at least three weeks. Stick with it for that time, and it's bound to get easier from there.

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