Healthy boundaries for healthy relationships are the basis of a balanced psychological state. When boundaries are clearly built, a person feels confident and most communications with other people are friendly for him/her. This is always a guarantee of inner calm and confidence, mental comfort under numerous daily stresses. Remember as a child you wanted to say no to someone, to defend your own scoop in the sandbox?
Let's talk about what are healthy relationship boundaries and how to create healthy boundaries in relationships; how to say "no" without feeling guilty; how to respond to rudeness and disrespect; how to avoid manipulating yourself; how to behave so that others show respect without being intimidating.
What are healthy boundaries in a relationship?
Personal boundaries are invisible fences that exist in our psyche. They separate us, our habits, aspirations, actions, and thoughts from the outside world. They help us to distinguish between where I am and where I am not, what is within my area of control and responsibility, and what belongs to the rest of the world and is not my responsibility, i.e. I can no longer control it. We need personal boundaries to protect our identity and what is valuable to us.
If a person says that they have no boundaries at all, you can already tell that they are a mentally ill person, because we do have limitations and we can distinguish between ourselves and the outside world. If we can't separate them, it's a bad sign. That is, the person still has some boundaries. Most likely, in this situation, it means that he or she cannot defend certain psychological or physical boundaries. So you can't generalize like that. Of course, there are people who are more closed, and who don't let anyone in, and you need to look at why this happens.
Healthy relationship boundaries examples
Examples of healthy boundaries in a relationship can be the ability to say NO. You may find it easier to sacrifice your own needs for your partner's needs for fear of upsetting him.
But if he asks you for something that goes against your principles, violates your personal boundaries, doesn't respect your time, or makes you sacrifice something important, you can say no. You don't have to be rude or harsh, but learn to say it with confidence.
How to set healthy boundaries in relationships
Setting healthy boundaries in a relationship should be a step-by-step process.
- It's a good idea to start healthy relationships and boundaries by noticing how they are violated. Notice how? By feeling angry. We need anger precisely to signal: something is going wrong. I am being treated inappropriately.
Have you ever had an experience where you "swallowed" your resentment so you wouldn't fight, and then you get angry? Or agreed to something out of a desire to be good for your partner, and then feel annoyed? Start noticing moments like this. So you will become clearer in what moments your boundaries are violated, and which of them are the most fundamental for you.
- The next step in establishing healthy boundaries in relationships is to give yourself the internal right to assert your boundaries. It can be scary to ruin a relationship, to lose love, to become a bitch or a grump. It's important to agree with yourself: when we understand each other's boundaries, it benefits the relationship instead of turning it into a never-ending battle. This is not selfish, but respectful and mature.
- Then highlight a few moments, or aspects where your boundaries are being violated. What is the most significant, and what is particularly hurtful? For example: "You make our weekend plans without asking me what I want." "You make remarks to me in front of others." "I need time alone with myself, but it's very hard to tell you about it."
- It's time to talk about setting boundaries for healthy relationships. It is better to do this not during an argument, but in a quiet moment, not attacking, not blaming, but stating.
We and our partners may have different ideas about boundaries and where they go. That's fine. Just clarifying in a calm conversation will help both of us figure out how we can live comfortably with each other.
- It's important to be reminded of boundaries regularly. Behavior does not change immediately, habitual actions are stable. So you will have to remind your partner more than once: "Remember, I told you that this is not pleasant. Please don't do that." If you are just as willing to hear and consider your partner's wishes about their boundaries, they are more likely to internalize yours.
Healthy boundaries in dating relationships require attention, respect for your partner, conversation, and clarification. But they are worth the effort because they make the couple's life comfortable, the relationship stable, and even somewhat healing.
Healthy relationship boundaries checklist
We suggest you list of healthy boundaries in relationships to test yourself to see how "blurred" your personal boundaries are.
- If you have trouble noticing that you, too, are violating someone else's boundaries, you can use this list in mirror focus. If someone is doing what the checklist describes, then it's inherent in you too!
- You say to the person, "Do you have a couple of minutes?" and then you tell them half an hour about your problem. If the other person's personal boundaries are blurred, they will listen to you, even though they didn't plan on spending their thirty minutes of time with you.
- You make an appointment with your friend to go to a cafe. Your meeting is scheduled for 2:00 p.m. But at 14:00 you are not in a cafe, but still on the road. And the lateness you take for granted.
- You are well-mannered, but you think it's okay to write to another person at a late hour. And you do not think about the fact that your late message may disturb him, or even break his sleep.
- You read someone else's post, article, or note and you don't agree with the author's opinion. You do not keep your disagreement to yourself, but share it in the spirit of "You're wrong, because I am. And you can also give a couple of tips on how to do things in a way that agrees with you in your opinion)
- You meet with your girlfriend and ask her a routine question, "How are you?" then tell her all the latest news about yourself and your life. Emotionally, in color, in detail, and at length.
- You can walk around the house in the clothes that people wear alone. In this case, your loved ones can see all the features of the structure of your figure or the absence of certain parts of the clothes.
- You can quietly, "without remorse," ask the other person how much money they make, as well as "if she got married/separated/cured," etc.
Healthy boundaries in romantic relationships are the key to harmonious love. Violated boundaries cause irritation, resentment, and aggression, make it difficult to communicate with loved ones and prevent a person from living their life to the fullest and realizing their potential. That is why it is so important not to get stuck at either pole of hard or weak personal boundaries, but creating healthy boundaries in relationships that allow you to listen to others, respect your opinion, know your needs and be able to express them, establish close relationships but not dissolve. and not lose yourself in them.
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