A lot has been said about jealousy, but this does not mean that "the question is over": everyone's jealousy is different, and every couple has its own ways of dealing with it. And the range of differences is very large: from a pleasant game for both partners, which is based on trust and is only meant for brightness and entertainment, to a sizzling poisonous feeling that corrodes relationships and makes them painful and destructive. We have prepared an article on what jealousy is, why it occurs, and how to overcome jealousy in a relationship.
How to control jealousy in a relationship: what is jealousy?
Jealousy is a neurotic need for love. It is an anxiety that originates between a desire to rely on others and an inability to do so because of a deep mistrust and hostile feeling toward them.
Jealousy can be an adequate reaction to the danger of losing someone else's love, but it can also become neurotic when the reaction is totally out of proportion to the danger. It is dictated by the constant fear of losing possession or love of the person. Any other interest that this person may have is a potential danger.
Jealousy has a huge emotional charge - and the person is hardly capable of behaving rationally, his behavior is largely dictated by irrational motives over which his intellect has no control.
How to handle jealousy in relationship and why does it arise?
You're not confident in yourself
Licensed clinical psychologist Seth Meyers writes that people with low self-esteem can feel insecure in relationships as well. They feel they are not good enough to attract a partner and keep their interest over time.
You need to be in control
One partner worries about his or her place in the other's world. The person may have had an unsettling experience as a child and now thinks that he or she cannot be trusted, because at any moment he or she may be preferred to the other.
You are too strongly attached to your partner.
Constant groundless jealousy can occur because of excessive attachment, when one can not separate from the other and lives his life.
If all the time interfere in the life of the companion, forbidding to meet with friends and spend time separately, the chances of destroying the relationship are high. There is nothing wrong with a couple having common interests. But everyone should also have their own hobbies.
How to get over jealousy in relationship and who is prone to jealousy?
The first type of people are controllers
The first type is those people who control everything. Why are women more likely to be jealous? Because they often like to control: did you eat, did you dress, did you change?
The second type of people is those with cognitive brain distortion
This is the ability of the brain to think, speculate, and draw. For example, you went to a party where you met someone, got to know them, and, of course, your brain drew a picture of them.
The third type of people are evaluators
The list of jealous people also includes those who live by judgment. They condemn others and themselves, compare others to themselves, and then involuntarily think that their partner can find someone else: younger, smarter, more promising, etc.
The fourth type of people is those who dissolve in their partners
And the last type is people who dissolve into their partner, giving up their own interests, friends, and personal space. However, the older and stronger the love, the less people are prone to petty jealousy in relationships.
The lower the relationship is, the more they need petty jealousy to keep themselves in good shape. For example, if you think that people notice you in front of your partner, you're still okay, because he stays with you. This is growing your ego. And on the basis of this level of relationship, there is no need to think about perfect love.
How to get over jealousy in relationship - psychologist's thoughts
If you are suffering from envy, there are two ways how to manage jealousy in a relationship. The first is to concentrate on yourself.
You need to channel this energy into acceptance and self-love. Find your hobbies, interests, make sure you are interested in yourself.
The second way to get rid of jealousy is to ground yourself. Stop, feel the support under your feet, and try to let go of obsessive thoughts. If it doesn't work, there is a third way - talk! Talk to your partner about what is bothering you. You can demand something in your own interests, but keep in mind that your partner may not agree to it, and he or she will be right.
In addition, it has been proven that unreasonable jealousy shortens life. Worry and stress increase blood pressure and inevitably lead to heart disease. So concentrate on love!
How to stop jealousy in relationships: top questions
How jealousy destroys relationships?
When we are jealous of our partner, we become selfish and possessive. We want to bind the other half more tightly to us. It is important to us to be sure that we will not be abandoned. But this behavior can have the opposite effect. Any relationship implies freedom, which is based on trust. Without trust, we are held hostage by our own jealousy. Excessive jealousy can drive a partner away, especially if you are jealous for no reason.
How to work on jealousy in a relationship?
You need to understand what you feel at the moment of jealousy: anger, anxiety, resentment, and so on. It's best if you take a piece of paper and write down all your negative emotions. This will make it easier for you to understand and learn to control them.
How to deal with jealousy in a long distance relationship?
"Jealousy is a beast that conceives and gives birth to itself," said Shakespeare. And the writer certainly knew as much about love as modern Romeo and Juliet, who suffer from separation. Go crazy with jealousy when you do not know where and with whom your partner may actually be right now - not the best prospects.
Constant haunting you feeling of jealousy, fear of being cheated, relentless desire to control your partner's life - is a good reason to work through your worries with a specialist. Well, if your partner regularly and deliberately throws you reasons to be jealous, perhaps it is worth asking about the seriousness of his intentions and your relationship.
Trust should be an axiom of your relationship. You don't need another city or even another part of your city to cheat, and the feeling that distance gives you more reasons to be jealous is completely false. If you are not ready to trust your partner, ask yourself the question: are you ready to build a relationship with him in principle?
How to avoid jealousy in relationships?
To avoid jealousy, you need to define for yourself the basic rules and principles of communication:
- Remember at what age you first experienced feelings of jealousy (most likely from 5 to 7 years old).
- Analyze how you deal with this feeling.
- How did your family, friends, or acquaintances deal with this feeling? Determine what you think about it (you are not Othello).
- Jealousy is a conditional control of another person's behavior. Why spend so much effort on someone else's life?
- If you realize that building a relationship that doesn't have values similar to yours doesn't work, smile and step aside. You just have different ways of life.
- Study yourself and your spiritual priorities. Honesty, trust, respect, and gratitude have not been canceled.
- You can share a piece of bread, be generous and noble. But do not get confused. There is something that belongs only to you. And that's it.
- Remember: you should not pave the way to intimacy with a person through jealousy and power over him or her.
How to fix jealousy in a relationship?
Some couples suffer greatly from the destructive feelings of jealousy of their lover. Feelings of jealousy seriously spoil relationships between people, as constant doubts about the sincerity and loyalty of a partner can ultimately cause the death of a relationship. That is why it is very important for any relationship to fight the pangs of jealousy. The problem is that not everyone knows the answer to the question "how to overcome jealousy?"
The main thing to consider in the fight against jealousy is that normal self-esteem is the key to solving this problem. Despite the fact that self-esteem is built in a person in early childhood, there are cases that dramatically reduce it.
In order to restore the previous level of self-esteem, it is necessary to remember that people are imperfect creatures, so it is simply foolish to constantly scold yourself for being human. It is also not recommended to compare yourself with other people, especially if these people have a clear advantage over you.
How to beat jealousy in a relationship: the bottom line
If your partner is jealous, it can even be life-threatening. It all depends on the degree of jealousy and his reaction to it. If you have scandals, or even the use of force on the grounds of jealousy, and your partner is unable to overcome his jealousy, then you should break up.
If the level of jealousy is tolerable, all that remains is not to give a reason for jealousy. It's a shame when you are accused of something you didn't even do in your mind. But think carefully. Wasn't the violent jealousy a reaction to your rash story about your past exploits or how the men in the office react to you?
Do not discuss personal problems in the families of your friends and the exploits of your girlfriends with a jealous man, as you will definitely be on the list of these "free girls". The partner's logic is simple: tell me who you're friends with, and I'll tell you who you are.
How to deal with jealousy issues in a relationship? This disease is almost incurable. If the relationship is at a standstill, don't hesitate to seek help from a professional psychologist. Competent advice on how to fight jealousy in a relationship will help to mitigate the next "exacerbation" of envy.
Add Comment