It often seems that our lives are going at extreme speed nowadays. Studying, looking up for a job, working. It feels like it is almost impossible to find enough time for dating. But we have online dating, which helps minimize the time we spend on finding and getting to know a prospective partner. Our time-consuming era means that romantic relationships are also developing faster than they were before.
Fast dating has its benefits like you don't have to go on a date to figure out whether you are not interested in her. Still, there are a lot of people who complain that the speed of life and online dating have killed the romance. They claim that people are more into friends with benefits rather than an actual relationship, and prospective couples don't spend enough time together to figure out whether they fit each other. But is that so? Did modern life kill off the courting? Does courting work in the XXI century? Let's figure it out.
What Is Courting?
Before trying to figure out whether it still exists, we need to define courting. So, let's find out what is courting. Most likely, you will get an explanation that will come in the form of courting vs dating, which will be absolutely wrong because courting is a type of dating. The main thing that differs courting and dating is the fact that courting a girl doesn't mean sleeping with her. But what does courting mean, then?
While both courting and dating are a type of bond that precedes an official relationship, there are a few differences. Basically, when you are dating, you may not be limited to one partner. Let's be honest, when it comes to online dating, we are generally chatting with a few prospective partners at once, and it may take us a few offline dates before we make our final choice and concentrate on one prospect. While in courting, you focus only on one person.
Other differences include the intended outcome and the time you devote to it, but if we put it simply, courting is a time that you spend together before entering the relationship when you get to know each other, exchange gifts, and keep a respectful distance. As you can see, courting is like dating but a bit different.
Where Did It Come From?
Surprisingly enough, but both dating and courting developed during colonial times throughout the 1800s. At that time families of settlers were busy with building the infrastructure of the colonies, and female and male roles were strictly divided. Men were working, while women were busy with home duties. During that period, prospective bonds were viewed as a possibility for poor families to decrease the overload of work and home duties, while rich families saw it as a possibility to enlarge their fortune.
The guy who was interested in a girl, had to court her for a while, thus the courtship was invented. What is courtship, you may ask, well, in brief, it's a period when a couple develops a romantic relationship before marriage. That's the meaning of courtship. Yes, marriage was the sole reason for a romantic relationship at that time. The prospective couple should have got the seal of approval from their families; thus, courtship generally took place at the family home of a woman, with her family being present during her communicating with her prospective groom. Lower-class families couldn't afford that; thus, they were engaged in a simple dating.
The courtship was developing throughout the XIX century, adding more and more formalities. As a result, people were fed up with this silly traditionalism and family nosing around their private life, so it led to the almost ultimate burial of courtship. But does that mean that courting a woman is no longer a thing? Well, not exactly.
Main Rules and Principles of Courting a Woman
After reading everything mentioned above, you may get the feeling that courtship is something quite old-fashioned, if not obsolete. But does that mean that you courting someone in the 2020s is impossible? Well, you can pursue courting a woman nowadays, if you follow the rules. In the end, you will get something of an extravagant way of dating. We offer you to check the traditional courting rules, and then we will figure out how applicable they are nowadays.
Her parents’ permission
The very first rule of courting is to ask her parents’ permission to date her. Yes, with modern dating parental involvement is almost eliminated, but if you opt for courtship, you need to be approved by her parents. If her parents don’t accept you, then you should forget about her. Yep, that’s harsh, but those are the rules.
Marriage as the main goal
Dating is dating, it doesn’t mean that you are going to marry one day. Nothing holds you together. You can go on the date today, and never communicate after it. When it comes to courtship, you have a martial intent. Yes, you pick a woman whom you see as your prospective wife, thus, all of this old-fashioned dating aims at you to getting married.
Friends without benefits
Traditional courtship means no premarital sex. Thus, you can forget about being friends with benefits with your prospective wife. Don’t get upset that fast, as here we are talking about the traditional courting principles. It doesn’t mean that it works the same way nowadays. But in the 1800s, courtship partners could be friends without benefits.
Openness to the council of others
While dating is all about your private world, when you opt for courting, you need to be open to the counsel of others. Yes, you ask for someone’s advice while dating, but that’s just an advice, which you don’t have to follow. But courtship is conducted publicly, thus you need to listen to what your prospective wife's parents have to say.
Time limit
When it comes to dating, you can be in a relationship that will not lead to anything. You may just break up one day or you can continue dating till the end of your life, or you can get married. The courtship, generally, doesn’t take longer than one year, thanks to its marital intent.
How to Court a Woman Successfully in XXI Century?
Now, if the previous passages didn’t scare you away from trying the courtship out, you need to learn how to court a woman. While the premise remains the same, the courting of the XXI century went through certain changes. So, don’t get surprised if something seems a bit contradictory to what has been stated before. After all, courting is something that returns into fashion, but it still stands as a kinda niche type of dating. Well, let’s check out the rules of the courtship of the XXI century without any further ado.
Court only one woman at a time
Do you remember that at the beginning of the article, we talked about dating, stating that most people try to date a few prospective partners at once to find their significant other? Well, it is something that doesn’t work with courting. When you've decided to go into courting, you need to prepare yourself that you are going to court only one woman at a time. That will allow you to focus on her completely and will help you build up the way to your prospective marital ties.
Take her as your future wife
While we all enjoy the dating and that suspenseful feeling of never knowing where this road leads, we all secretly want to know that we will settle down with this particular partner. When you are courting a woman, you need to see her as your future wife. Yes, you are communicating, you are going out together, but you both know that your main goal is to get married. As there are no other variants for you, your attention is completely devoted to her, which allows you not to waste your time.
Make her attracted to you
Long gone are the days when men could easily attract women by simply showing her that they were capable of providing for them. Nowadays, that’s simply not enough, as gender and social roles are not as strict as they were in the 1800s. You need to be smart and interesting, with good manners and a good sense of humor to conquer her heart. Thus, if you are quite an interesting person in conversations, you already have good chances to succeed in courting in the 2020s.
Don’t exclude sex
While that may seem a bit contradictory with the traditional courtship rules, let’s be honest, we are living in the XXI century, after all. No one wants to marry a person without knowing how good they are in bed. Besides, if you don’t have sex during your courting period, most likely she will think that you are not sexually attracted to her, which is already a bad sign for courting in a relationship. Thus, as premarital sex is no longer considered a sin in mainstream society, you are free to sleep with each other even before getting married.
Ask her parents for their approval
One thing that hasn’t changed about courting is that you need to approach her parents about your intent. It’s no longer that serious nowadays, after all, if she likes you and she wants to marry you, she’s more inclined to disobey than women were in the 1800s. In a case, having good relationships with her parents will give more benefits, then if they hate you. So, courting or not, make sure that her parents like you.
Which Type Is Better?
As you can see, courting and dating are not that different nowadays. While dating is providing you with privacy and intimacy, courting allows you to focus on one partner. While dating is an adventurous journey with an unpredictable end, courting is a slow path to a certain goal. Despite all that, both are the means to find your significant other.
But when picking which variant - dating or courting - is better for you, you need to be careful. You should give courting a try, and it is not as much a game with safe bets, as it seems for the first time. But, don’t forget that we are living in the XXI century, and the rules have changed. Maybe the best way to find a partner is taking bits from both dating and courtship?
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