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In one of her interviews, Lana Del Rey said that no good seems to happen to you anymore when love ends. She's probably right. But we have something to console you: it will pass! We'll tell you how to get over a long relationship.

How to recover from a break up of a long term relationship: top tips

How to cope with a long term relationship breakup: advice #1

You have to be brave

First, you have to have the courage to accept this blow of fate. Love is an unearthly feeling that gives you wings, you become better, more beautiful, smarter, and kinder. Unfortunately, these skills are not innate, but come with wonderful feelings for another person and with them and leave.

You must tell yourself this is the end, not a pause. After all, indulging yourself with illusions is not the way to start a new life, but dancing on the grave of the old one. Have the courage to step into another dimension where you are alone. It is not fatal. Others have succeeded, and so will you. No one has died of separation yet, you are a full-fledged person and can move on with your life.

How to get over long term relationship breakups: advice #2

Love yourself more

Immediately after a breakup is difficult, almost impossible. But you need to understand that you have to put your own interests above any others. This rule should safeguard against the frequent use of the initiator of the breakup partner. "We are friends, and my loved one is also having a hard time with the breakup, I have to be strong and help him more" - forget it, this is nonsense. You have to climb out of the abyss of despair after a breakup on your own to help someone.

How to cope with a long term relationship ending: advice #3

Listen to your loved ones

No matter how unique, cosmic, "for life" your relationship is, the people closest to you understand exactly what you need. Yes, no one around them understands the love you had, how your heart sank next to your loved one, but they don't need to. Do not turn down advice under the pretext: "You do not understand. We do not have what happens to others. No one else has such a connection as there was between us. Friends and family don't want to know what kind of relationship you had, because it's gone. Why rant about something that doesn't exist?

How do you get over a long term relationship:

How long does it take to get over a long term relationship?

Some believe that at least half of the time that the relationship has lasted must pass, others are convinced that a broken heart cannot be put on a timer. As it turns out, you can - three months after the breakup, most begin to see the bright side of what happened.

The study, published in the scientific journal Journal of Positive Psychology, involved 155 young people, both men, and women. All had experienced a breakup 11 months earlier. The majority of participants in the survey (71%) agreed with the positive statements "I learned a lot about myself," "I grew as a person," and "I became more motivated and focused."

Of course, three months is a tentative term: some of us need more time to heal, while others need less. Although many people think that the initiator of a breakup is psychologically easier because he has time to prepare for the breakup and wants it-this is not true.

What to do after a breakup of a long term relationship?

1. Live

This is really unexpected advice. But really, all the advice to start new things, to do good, to pursue a career, to get a cat, a lover, fleas - these are just ways to distract yourself. Let's accept as a fact: You broke up, and you may feel good, bad, horrible, or great about it. But you're still living. And live.

Every time you feel like crawling under the covers, hiding, waking up when it's over, live. Say to yourself, "This is me, this is my face, my body, my job, my kids, my cats, my dogs. I don't disappear because someone's gone or something's over. I am still there. I live." Don't take away your sensitivity -- face your pain, too. Society and the world teach us not to get in touch with what hurts, but numbness is the same as paralysis: the less you feel, the less you live.

2. Accept your own "stupidity”

You will be given a lot of advice: don't call him, call him, tell him, don't tell her, make a hundred dates, have a drink, buy a new dress, get a new haircut. And you're going to act illogically. Maybe even in ways you yourself think are unnecessary and wrong. You will call him, you will not call him, you will not tell him, you will not tell her, you will not make a date, you will not get drunk (drunk), you will not buy a dress and get a haircut. With a hard breakup, the sights are set and for some time decisions are made under the pressure of the moment rather than a qualitative examination of current conditions. Accept it.

3. If you feel bad, don't be afraid

Yes, you feel bad and there is no other reality. You suffer, you cry, you pray. If the person you loved was important and good, it's bad, and it should be. When you lose a hundred rubles, you get upset, but when you lose someone important, it would be pretty cynical to shake it off and move on. But it means that you had something of value. You can, of course, cry here and say, "Now there is no...". And cry. But you had it. Over time, this fact will become more important. The sooner you start to appreciate it, the better.

How to deal with a man who just got out a long term relationship?

Relationships that people enter into soon after a breakup are somewhat like therapy: the one who is trying to numb the pain acts as a patient, and the one who helps his partner through the pain acts as a doctor. In this case, the pain is his, so the therapist is you. At first, it is the support that he will need to a greater extent. With time, the wounds of the soul will heal, and the relationship will become healthier - that is, one in which everyone involved is comfortable. But how long you will have to wait - no one knows, including himself. Think about whether you are ready for such a development.

The situation in which a man gets into a new relationship in spite of his ex is, unfortunately, not uncommon. The situation where the new girlfriend is similar to the one the man broke up with not so long ago is unfortunately not uncommon either. In any of these cases, he is still continuing the relationship with her, and you are a statistic in this story. Whether or not to stay in this relationship is up to you, but it makes no sense to plan a future together at first.

What not to do when get over long term relationship?

Don't idealize past relationships if you had a bad one. Fear of loneliness can cause you to return again and again only to the good moments, and erase the bad ones from your memory. 

Don't blame only yourself or only your partner: relationships are always between two (or more) people. 

Don't try to numb or take away the pain with addictions. Substances and working 24/7 dull the suffering for a while but don't help you recover.

It's very important not to forget about the mental state. If you feel you can't cope on your own, see a psychologist. Therapy can help you cope with the trauma and teach you how to process negative emotions. And it can also be a new experience through which you see the world in a different way.

Naturally, there is no "magic" advice on how to easily and painlessly survive a relationship breakup. It will be stressful in any case. But in your power to weaken it, more quickly come to terms with the separation and move on.

The main thing: is not to bring yourself to a critical state. If you feel that you simply can not cope, talk to a specialist. Believe me, you are not the first and not the last to bear the hardest parting. Talking to a good psychologist can greatly improve your condition. And there is no shame in going to him.

And we wish you only the most pleasant meetings, interesting acquaintances, and strong romantic relationships for life! So that you don't know what a breakup is and enjoy the feeling of mutual love every new day!

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