Some of us do occasionally encounter difficult situations, they cause lots of stress and make us question our morality and decision-making ability. And while this situation doesn’t occur in everyone’s life, what should you do if you seem to feel something for your friend’s ex? Is it bad to date a friend's ex? What is the right decision?
Why Sometimes There Is an Attraction to a Friend's Ex
Well, why do we love the people we love? There are thousands of potential reasons why this can happen. You may feel great when a person is near you, you may feel great when you hug them, you love to talk to them, you love their sense of humor, or you find them extremely attractive.
And, as you know, love knows no bounds, there are no standards, no limits to it, and you may find yourself in love with your friend’s ex even if it feels very wrong.
But, after all, you probably have many things in common, as you have mutual friends, and spent some time together in the past, just having time and not thinking of each other as potential romantic partners. Now that you are both single, you may think about them differently. What if your friend’s relationship didn’t go as they wanted it to go, but you will be more successful in this regard?
Let’s say that you find yourself thinking, “I want to date my friend's ex-girlfriend,” but is it worth it? When should you reveal your relationship to your friend? How should you date your friend’s ex? Let’s answer all of these questions and more, but first, let’s look into some signs that you shouldn’t date your friend’s ex.
Signs You Shouldn't Date Your Friend's Ex
First, we have to look into some situations when it is very much unadvisable to start dating your friend’s ex and believe me, there are quite a lot of them. There is a reason why you are reading this article after all, as this is a very difficult situation.
1. Your friend is hurt after the breakup
This is the most frequent one, as a breakup rarely ever brings positive emotions, it is a very stressful situation, and the last thing they need to know is that their ex is dating you, their best friend. They might feel like they are worse than you in some way, and it won’t help your friendship at all.
2. You didn’t get any permission from your friend
Once they are back to normal, you should talk to them about your feelings, talk to them about the situation that you've found yourself in. And while your personal life is just what it is, and you don’t have to limit yourself because of anyone else in this world, there still should be some understanding between two of you. You need to have an honest conversation about this situation and see how they react.
3. They can’t stand each other
Should you date a friend's ex? Now, this is more of a temporary problem, at least in most scenarios. It’s a wound that needs to be healed, and, as you know, time heals all the wounds. It may take some time, but they will likely overcome their differences after some time. There is a chance that they will not stand each other for the rest of their lives, but this scenario is unlikely, it can only happen after a very long relationship that ended on a catastrophe.
4. There are still some feelings in the heart of your friend
This is perhaps the most worrying of problems, as you don’t really know what to do and when will they stop feeling love for their ex. And your personal feelings, in this scenario, will turn you into a rival, your feelings will only drive you further apart from each other. If you feel like there is still something left in the heart of your friend, then you should neither bring up your emotions nor build a relationship with their ex. You have to remember that there are so many other single people out there, just waiting to meet someone, there are hundreds of great single women sites to choose from. If you want to see pictures of single women and start dating online, then it is time to do it, the dating scene is thriving.
5. You don’t really know whether you want a relationship or not
Feelings are very vague sometimes, and we never truly know what we feel and what drives us to do this or that. Let’s say that you always found your friend’s ex to be attractive, you like their personality, and now that they are single, you feel like you were standing in line, and it is now the time for you to shine. But do you really love that person? Do you really want to have a relationship with a person that broke up with your friend? If you are hesitant and you value your friendship, then the answer should probably be “no,” at least for now.
In What Cases a Relationship with a Friend's Ex Is a Good Idea
Now that we know the situations in which it is inadvisable to start dating your friend’s ex, let’s list some of the cases when it is actually ok for you to date their ex.
- How to date a friend's ex? Your friend’s relationship is 100% over, and they no longer feel anything for their ex.
- You don’t really communicate with your friend in real life all that much, or you aren’t all that close at all.
- When your feelings are too great to think about anyone else in the world (besides a person you love, that is.)
- Your friend gave you their permission, and they are very much ok with this scenario.
- Your friend and their ex seem to get along after their breakup.
- Their relationship wasn’t that strong, to begin with, it was a casual relationship.
- Your friend was the initiator of a breakup.
- With that out of the way, how to date your ex's best friend?
How to Start Dating Your Friend's Ex
This person has captured your attention for a long time, they seemed to you if not ideal, then at least very, very cool. And so they broke up, and you suddenly begin to communicate with your friend’s ex because you talked before, and now why not chat or have a cup of tea? You suddenly realize that your friend’s ex is pleasant to you, and it seems that you have a lot in common. But most importantly: it looks like they feel the same. It would seem that your friend and their ex are two different people that have parted their ways, but this is still somehow awkward to think of such a relationship. Now that we know the answer to the question, "Is it okay to date a friend's ex?" and the reasons why dating your friend's ex girlfriend should be avoided as well as when is it okay to date a friend's ex, let’s see some things you should know about such a relationship.
1. Your relationship with a friend
“Bros before hoes,” they say. Friendship has always been surrounded by an aura of moral purity and priority over the attitude to partners. This is often the way it is. Some people manage to have strong friendships based on mutual respect. In this case, it makes sense to step back from this partner and find another.
How to date your friend's ex-girlfriend? It does not matter how good a person is, it is unlikely that they can replace your friend. Sex is, of course, wonderful, an emotional connection, too. But the relationship between two people, which is called friendship and which went through many trials, let’s agree, is stronger and more valuable.
Why can't your friend treat this as normal? After all, they are done, and your partner has no longer anything to do with your friend. This is ideal. A friend may have feelings, emotions, and they can still perceive their ex as the person whom they used to love. Unfortunately, many people still have a kind of possessive attitude towards their ex-partners, even if they broke up a long time ago. The situation will heat up. Of course, your friend can let go of a person, but I do not think that your relationship with them will remain the same.
2. Your relationship with their ex
While acting as an impartial judge when it comes to the relationship between these two, you understand all their shortcomings and appreciate the merits of your friend’s partner. You have enough information, you have analyzed their relationship, and you know mistakes that cannot be made. Also, most likely, you know all the problems and the reasons why they broke up. Who abandoned whom? Is there a chance to return to the beginning? Are the relationships over or are the two just tired of each other? Did they love each other, or they were just in a casual relationship? Did your friend respect their ex, did they appreciate them? But on the other hand, do not forget that their REAL intentions can be completely different. For example, they told you that they did not love their ex, but, in fact, it was just the opposite.
3. How much time has passed since the breakup?
Can a guy date a friend's ex? It depends on the time that has passed since their breakup. Even if your friend had a long and reverent relationship with their ex, you still have a chance! The more time has passed, the less pain, disappointment, and other garbage left between the two. If they broke up last week, and you are going to take the first step, don’t you think that it won’t be right to do so? But if your friend already has another partner, and enough time has passed, you can try your luck. Time is a subjective thing. This is not to say that some time is enough for feelings to pass. There are all kinds of cases. In addition, never forget those people for whom it is a taboo to meet with their ex-partners.
4. Why can it be a taboo?
Is it wrong to date a friend's ex? I think that a romantic partner is not a commodity, but why do we make all of these restrictions? Of course, your friend and their ex need to heal all the wounds and find someone else, but why limit yourself? To see the state of the situation and figure out your course of action, you have to talk to your friend and be sincere about your feelings.
5. Your approach
Is it bad to date a friend's ex? Even if your friend gave you a formal blessing for a relationship with their ex, you shouldn't rush headfirst into a relationship with them. No matter how sad and unpleasant it is, you have to have an honest conversation with your friend. Tell them that you value them as a friend and will never betray them. Tell them about your feelings for their ex. Stay away from talking about your sexual attraction. Be gentle and considerate. The reaction, of course, can be different: from rage to silence.
Dating Your Friend's Ex: Main Rules
Suppose that their ex is breathing unevenly towards you, suppose that your best friend does not mind. As a sign of respect for your friend, you should do several things:
Talk to a friend about it
Just like we’ve said, you need to have an honest conversation with your friend to set everything straight. Honesty is the most important thing here (just like in any relationship in general), they need to understand that your feelings for their ex are sincere and that you find this situation to be troubling.
Take your time
There are tons of reasons why you should take your time with such a relationship, and this is a very bad situation to rush with your decisions.
Start with a friendship
Just as with this situation in general, no hasty decisions can be made, and if you want to make sure that you need this relationship, that your feelings are strong and this is something that you want to do.
Limit your public appearances as a couple
Do not immediately go to common places that your friends and acquaintances visit from time to time like a couple, don’t hug or kiss each other. Over time, this will be taken for granted.
Do not complain or seek your friend’s advice about their ex
This should never be done, don’t ever do it. If you have problems with your new partner, solve them yourself, don’t engage their ex into this relationship.
No talk about sex
If your friend is not a pervert, do not discuss the bedtime joys with their ex, this is ridiculous.
We hope that this article has made this awkward situation at least a tiny bit easier. Trying to balance out the between your friendship and your romantic relationship is hard, and thus you should be very cautious about your decisions.
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