Everybody is complaining about being lonely, so you can often get a feeling that being in a relationship is more of a trend, rather than an actual need or desire. People force themselves into searching for their mates and create artificial clusters that collapse eventually. That's what you get if you take a relationship for granted, but what happens when a relationship is a labor of love? Unfortunately, the fact that your relationship is based on love doesn't make them breakup-proof. You have to work on your relationship, regardless of whether you’re in love with your partner or use him or her as a cure for loneliness. Otherwise, your perfect or artificial romance will fall apart. The best way to save your relationship from a breakup is to learn to communicate with your partner openly.
Communication in a Relationship: What Makes It Work?
When your relationship starts with the mere desire not to be lonely, you are so obsessed with it that you often forget about the work that should be done. Even when your relationship starts with love, you may think that love is just enough for your relationship to work. Love is a good starter, but it's never enough for your relationship to go on. One thing you need to remember is not to take your relationship for granted. Your romance is not a trophy or an award but a result of hard work. And you can't work together without communication. No communication in a relationship – no relationship. A healthy relationship includes good communication, fairness, and trust. Now, let's find out why is communication so important in a relationship. And to do so, we are going to check out what's a relationship with and without communication looks like.
Lack of Communication in a Relationship
When you are at the beginning of your relationship everything goes fine. You enjoy each other, turning a blind eye on some of the annoying traits of each other. But give it a month or two and you will get angry at your partner's imperfections. Your partner is also going to show that he is annoyed at something that didn't irritate him or her much at the beginning. When you lack the communication in your relationship, you either remain silent or start complaining to your friends. While talking to your friends may subdue your annoyance for a while, both of the variants lead to the inevitable end of your relationship.
You may have different habits that most likely are going to change after you become a couple. But if you lack communication in your relationship, most likely one will silently abandon his or her habits for the sake of another partner. It's quite unfair, and sooner or later you will blame your partner for turning you into his or her slave. In most of the cases, it is too late to save your relationship by the time you've decided to speak up.
Believe it or not, but the lack of communication easily affects your sexual life. Your partner may turn out to be too boring in bed. On the other hand, your partner may be very much into experiments, while you feel uncomfortable with it. If you lack communication, you won't be able to improve this situation. How are you going to let your partner know that you want to try something new or that you are okay with what you have now if you can't talk about it with him or her? Sooner or later your being unsatisfied will lead to you having some sugar on the side, which isn't a good sign for your relationship.
When You Communicate in Your Relationship
You won't face any of the above-mentioned problems if you communicate with your partner. It may seem hard to tell your partner that you don't like one of his or her traits or habits, but if you really like each other, you'll speak and be heard. You may say that you are not okay with your bed routines or that you need some time alone. Your partner won't have problems with telling you what he or she doesn't like about you. Yep, none of us likes hearing that we are not perfect, but if you want your relationship to improve, you need to take into account your partner's claims.
Of course, you can't change everything about you, and your partner can't change his or her life only to satisfy you, but when you are able to communicate, you can easily find a compromise that will satisfy both parties. Mind that you need to tell each other things that need to be changed as soon as you notice them, as there won't be any other time to discuss them. You need to start discussing it at the early stages of your relationship, instead of hoping that things will miraculously change on their own.
Things that Should be Communicated Early in a Relationship
We've established that communication is crucial in a relationship and there are a lot of things that you need to discuss at the early stages. The fairy tales that had been around us for ages made us believe that a loving relationship is the one where you don't have any problems, which makes learning to communicate in a relationship extremely hard. We can't blame the fairy tales for that, as the main problem lies in our perception of fairy tales – we forget that we need to process the information. To make your task easier, we've created a list of things that you need to discuss if you don't want to face relationship communication problems.
1. Yes
If you want to communicate in a relationship, you need to understand the clear “yes” of your partner. Don't think that your partner is okay with everything you do and want. Ask your partner whether he or she is okay with a certain aspect of your life. Who knows, maybe you are a straight 40-something man who likes dancing in a pantyhose every evening. You shouldn't expect your partner to take it okay, so better ask her about it, and continue your habits in front of her only if she says “yes”.
2. No
We like saying “yes” meaning “no” and vice versa. That's not how to communicate effectively in a relationship. If you want to avoid problems in your relationship, you need to say “yes” meaning “yes” and “no” meaning “no”. Your partner wants you to go shopping with him or her tomorrow, and you hate shopping – say it. It's something that you need to discuss at the early stages of your relationship. Otherwise – expect troubles. You think that somehow your partner will figure out your true feeling about shopping? Do you know how to communicate feelings in a relationship? If not – use verbal communication, it really helps.
3. Habits
Some of us have strict schedules, while others enjoy a reckless lifestyle. When you start a relationship, most likely one of you will dissolve in another partner, but that's not the best way. Let's be honest, someone who prefers working in the night and sleeping during the daytime is unlikely to cope with the strict schedule. The same goes for those who prefer strict schedules, they will find it difficult to adopt the lifestyle of their 'vampire' partners. That's something you need to talk about to decide how you are going to deal with it.
4. Sex
The intimate part of your relationship also relies heavily on communication, and you can't get away from it. Of course, we all dream that our partner knows exactly how we like to be touched, how we like to be kissed; whether we want sex to be fast or slow; whether we like to experiment. You may be not a big fan of a lot of pubic hair – go and tell your partner that something needs to be shaved. Once again, get ready that your partner can also ask you to change something about your sexual routines.
5. Family Time
Of course, when you start a relationship the time that you devote to your family will reduce. From now on you and your partner are going to celebrate Christmas together, and not with your parents. Still, you need to discuss in advance how much time you are going to devote to your family. Moreover, relatives play an important role in our lives. If you partner needs to take care of his or her disabled grandmother or a crazy sister, ask him or her whether you can help somehow.
6. Friends Time
You know that with the start of your relationship you are most likely going to see your friends not as often as you used to. Still, you need to spend some time with your friends. Same goes for your partner. So, you need to discuss the fact that your friends are still part of your life, and you need to devote some time to them. You may not like your partner's friends, but a confrontation with them is the worst thing you can do. So, just let your partner see them from time to time.
7. Alone Time
We all need some alone time. There's no point to get offended when your partner says that he or she needs to be alone for at least an hour a day. Talk about it so that you won't disturb each other with phone calls during your alone time. Moreover, you need to talk about your alone time in order not to suspect each other in being unfaithful.
8. Work
You may be quite dedicated to your work and that's something you need to talk about with your partner. Otherwise, either suspicions or complaints that your work is more important to you than your partner will follow.
9. Weekends
Your partner likes taking trips somewhere on weekends, while you prefer staying at home? That's something that you should talk about in advance. Otherwise, either you'll start hating your partner for forcing to go on the trips, or your partner is going to hate you for forcing him or her to stay at home. The best variant is making a schedule – one weekend you make a trip, and another weekend you're figuring out what you can do at home. But you can figure out the solution by talking with your partner.
10. Future Plans
The most important thing that you need to discuss with your partner at the early stages of your relationship is your plans for the future. If one of you enjoys his or her work and has never planned to move out of the city, while the other one plans travelling all around the world or moving to another country, your couple may not work if you won't communicate with each other. You'll break up eventually if you hope that one of you will change his or her plans for the benefits of another. If you discuss it, you may either find a solution that will satisfy both or, at least, split without having any hard feelings.
Communication is Crucial
Considering everything above-mentioned you can clearly see that communication is crucial for your relationship. The lack of communication leads to breaking up, which may be considered a better solution than years in an unhappy relationship. So, whenever you start a romantic relationship, remember those ten things that you need to discuss. If you already have a partner with whom you failed to discuss everything before the start of your relationship, you need to learn how to communicate with your partner immediately; maybe you can still save your romance.
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