Psychologists and scientists are increasingly talking about the importance of emotional intelligence. In a word, this is the ability to manage emotions and correctly interpret the reactions of other people that affect all spheres of life. In essence, emotional intelligence is the helmsman who controls our decisions and actions and helps us make better use of our mental potential. It affects the formation of personality, the development of empathy, the ability to communicate, help create strong marital relations and raise children properly.

How to Increase Emotional Intelligence and Use It in a Relationship

What is emotional intelligence?

Many people ask: “What is emotional intelligence?” This is an understanding of one’s feelings in various situations and the ability to use them in the best way for oneself. This term also includes understanding other people, how their emotions influence their decisions, and this allows them to build relationships with others in the most effective way. The skill to stay calm and be able to control your emotions in unexpected situations is a very important ability in today’s business and simply in life. By the way, it is possible to learn how to control your emotions in different life situations.

The components of emotional intelligence are:

1. Self-understanding. People should understand their feelings in different situations. It helps participants recognize their strengths and weaknesses in negotiations and various work situations. Different exercises contribute to a greater understanding of the importance of contact between people and help build quality relationships with people.

2. Motivation. This is an important factor in effective life. Motivated people are usually very active and highly effective people who like to set tasks for themselves and work hard for their implementation.

3. Self-regulation. Having this trait, people can control their feelings and impulses. People who use self-regulation usually don’t allow strong feelings such as anger or jealousy to overwhelm them. They usually don’t commit rash actions. They think first and then act. The characteristics of self-regulation are the deliberation of decisions and actions, clear, direct messages, and the ability to say “No” if necessary. Improving emotional intelligence, people understand their limits of responsibility, their feelings, desires and much more.

4. Empathy. This trait helps recognize desires, needs, and feelings to understand people around them better. Empathic people will well define the feelings of others, even if these feelings are difficult to recognize. And as a result, empathic people usually masterfully build relationships with others because they know how to listen and influence them. They are usually not inclined to stereotypes and estimates of others without having enough facts.

5. Communication skills. It is easy and pleasant to talk to people who have good communication skills and this is another indicator of emotional intelligence. These people usually feel good and get along in a team. They know how to end conflicts and build and maintain long-term relationships.

Why is emotional intelligence important?

You have surely heard more than once how easy it is for someone to move up the career ladder, build a healthy relationship or how well someone can communicate with their children. The heroes of these situations have high emotional intelligence, which allows them not only to set their goals more clearly (and therefore, reach them faster) but also to successfully build communication with people at different levels – at some point in development, this becomes a necessary skill in any field.

Of course, we can assume that the intellect is not associated with emotions, and vice versa – emotions have no relation to the level of intelligence. However, for many years, companies have been evaluating candidates for an interview not only for their degree of education and work experience but also conducting a test for the level of emotional intelligence because they consider this an important characteristic along with professional skills. So, why is emotional intelligence important? Emotional intelligence is the union of the emotional with the intellectual, in other words, these two components can produce a result only in a joint action. For example, productivity at work or at school/university: regardless of the level of intellect, emotional tension, and excessive relaxation will not allow succeeding in a career, and aggression and anxiety – to understand social ties. Also, emotions strongly affect the physical and mental state of a person. Depression and anxiety are frequent companions of emotionally unstable people. These illnesses lead to the absence of any social ties, followed by loneliness. With the correct understanding of the emotions of their own and other people, you will build good and trusting relationships with close people and be a confident and happy person.

Emotional intelligence in a relationship

Every day we see how troubles happen when people commit acts under the influence of emotions. Incorrectly chosen tone can spoil everything. A hot-tempered man or a naughty woman can destroy a relationship. And all this due to the fact that many of us make rash decisions because of excessive feelings, not realizing what is really happening and what other people feel. An unrestrained person may even think that if the offensive word was spoken in a burst of emotion, this can serve as an excuse: “I didn’t want to offend you, I just was so wicked!” However, only very loving people will accept this argument. And everyone else will try to escape or simply respond accordingly because they will get angry too. There are, however, those who are not accustomed to disrupting anger at others because they know the real reason for their bad mood – those who understand the feelings experienced by others know how to manage their emotions, don’t allow them to take over the top, don’t show any reaction to it because the reaction is a very subjective thing.

So, how to develop emotional intelligence in a relationship? Everyone speaks about how quickly love dies in relationships if both lovers are emotionally deaf and simply don’t understand the needs of each other. Many of us, unfortunately, show by example how it becomes “stuffy” in a house where partners don’t hear each other. It is enough to live together only six months after a wedding and now husband and wife have nothing to talk about; a wife doesn’t have enough hugs and approval, her husband – peace and support; she is offended, he comes home later, and so on. A year or two and there is a divorce. Somehow sad, isn’t it? Especially when you consider that this experience will not teach them anything and the following relationships will end in the same way. What to do to become more attentive to each other and make your relationship truly happy?

How to improve emotional intelligence

What to do, how to create a joint healthy emotional reality if you have a lack of emotional intelligence in relationships? Psychologists advise the following simple tactics.

1. Don’t avoid conflicts. It is more correct to show love and try to maintain relationships when your partner tries to discuss problems and offenses. At such moments, irritation from a partner doesn’t mean personal attacks. The most important thing women want is their feelings to be recognized and considered as reasonable, even if their men disagree with them.

2. Don’t have poisonous thoughts. Another wrong emotional tactic is negative attitudes towards a partner that you accumulate inside. The first thing you can do is catch these thoughts and try to reconfigure them in a positive way. How does it work? After a quarrel, you can decide that your partner is selfish. This is a negative emotional setting. Developing emotional intelligence, your task is to turn everything in a positive direction. Just remember all the good deeds of your partner. This will open up opportunities for a positive solution to a problem and the first thought will only aggravate the situation.

3. Get inspired. Understand what you are missing in a relationship and what your partner needs. In order for a relationship to be happy, both partners must feel that they are growing, developing in this relationship, and are ready to move on.

If this doesn’t happen, the desire to be together disappears by itself, nothing motivates you anymore. And then it’s time to do the exercise. First, you need to understand that you are emotionally nourished. Make a list of what inspires you. After that, you need to find out which of your abilities nourish your partner. After all, when you met, there was something in both of you that responded to your emotional needs. Then write what, in your opinion, emotionally nourishes a partner. Ask him/her to do the same. Exchange the lists and analyze them together. After that, you can decide together what to change in your relationship in order to start enjoying them again.

4. Manage your emotions. An emotionally developed person understands: emotions are contagious. It is good when a partner experiences pleasant feelings – joy, self-confidence, pride in success, etc. And what if it is anger, irritation, alienation, sadness? We cling to them like a virus. And if emotional intelligence is not enough, we don’t even understand why we are so bad. Keeping calm, we protect our relationship from the destructive action of unpleasant emotions. In order to learn how to do this, you should engage in relaxing practices daily for two months - for example, meditation or walking in the fresh air. It will be good for you. Nevertheless, if you understand that emotions are contagious but they can be resisted, this is not bad.

5. Listen and understand the feelings of a partner. Moments of disagreement allow emotional intelligence to be brought into a relationship. Every strong experience includes the urge to act. The ability to regulate these impulses is the basis of emotional intelligence. But it is almost impossible to do during a fight. Emotions are going wild. The only correct tactic in such cases is complacency. In moments of conflict, a person loses the ability to listen and clearly express thoughts.

So, a person just has to ask for a temporary timeout and then try to listen to a partner. This is how to increase emotional intelligence in a relationship.

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